If I could take “It” away…would I?

I have had those days with my daughter during which I feel completely helpless, frustrated, and I hate to admit it, imprisoned by her autism. I should probably clarify on the imprisoned part. I just mean that while I am all for encouraging her to push beyond her comfort zone (that’s how we grow, right?), there are times when it's unavoidable that as a family we must sacrifice to meet her needs. On some of those particularly tough days, I often wish I could just make “it” go away. But then, there are moments of brilliance; so many moments when her uniqueness and her incredible mind blow me away that I wonder, “If I were to take away the “bad" would I be taking away all the "good", as well?”

Of course, if I could lessen the obstacles that my daughter, and our family, face due to her autism, I would. I’d give (almost) anything to lift her social fears, to even out her emotions, to reduce her anxiety...to just make life a little easier for her; but would taking away her autism make her less "her"? That often leads me to ask myself, "If a cure for autism were announced tomorrow, would I want it for my child?" The answer is that I truly don’t know. Every day I pray for a cure. Every day. Yet, there is a small part of me that prays I never have to decide to proceed with a cure or not because my firstborn, my sweet girl, is not some kind of experiment with which I’m willing to gamble the results. She is a complex human being, wonderful and loved just as she is.

So, I ask you this:

If there were a cure for autism, but the findings showed that 15% of those administered the cure suffered significant regression or became catatonic versus 85% being fully “unlocked” from their autism, would the potential benefit outweigh the risk?

If there were a cure, what would the odds need to be in order for you to choose it for your child?

I ask because autism isn’t just some illness to be prevented. It isn’t the flu or chicken pox. It may not define who our children are, but it certainly is part of what shapes who they are, how they think and how they perceive the world.

Maybe it would be no different than prescribing medication for anxiety or depression where it just kind of takes the edge off improving clarity, coping skills, etc. All I’m saying is that there is a lot to consider. My hope is that there will someday be a way to prevent autism from developing in utero and that any cures developed for those presently living with autism would not eradicate the essence of their spirit.

Big questions, not enough coffee.